i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
