If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
