There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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