I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
