He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize