I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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