Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
