Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
