We won't sleep together?
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
They have beer where we have blood.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Someone signed my nipple.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
