We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
