as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
