So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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