I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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