make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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