i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
