Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
