You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
