i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
