I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He felt like a one man threesome
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
