Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
