i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
