dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
