1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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