I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
