the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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