it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize