I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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