can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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