No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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