my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
