My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize