if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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