Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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