During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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