Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
