I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
