yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
