You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
high people should be assigned attendants
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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