fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
