When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
