Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
