Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
