my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
