Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
