I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
