so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize