i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
