I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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