Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
