Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize