am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
