these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
