SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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