Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
