I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
