The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
