I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
