Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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