I just pynch a tree in the face
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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