I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
