dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
