pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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