R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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