I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
