apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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