Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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