well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
