are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
