what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just made my gag reflex go away.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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