dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
