Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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