if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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