there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
